One Moment Please - 'One' is the square root of all problems.

But whose problem is it?

It's my party  and you can cry if you want too...

Relaxing one morning after a much needed work out at the gym, I happened upon an 'agony aunt' style letter in the newspaper. It was headlined, "Daughter-in-law sings the only-child blues". 'Hmm' I thought, while munching through a protein bar that tasted how I imagine plywood with loads of artificial sweetener added would taste.

The letter was written by the Mother of a male Only Child.  Her Only Child had now grown up and married a lovely woman (the Daughter-in-law) who quietly criticized her Mother-in-law for having just one child. Oh, what an evil woman she was! A woman of mass destruction! (WMD).

The letter brought to mind some familiar comments that I have heard about Only Children, and to be honest, comments I have made myself - before having an Only Child. The bizarre assertion that any problem or idiosyncratic behavior displayed by an Only Child or the parent who chose to have one child, is directly linked to their Only Child status.

You only need one child to play a piano...

I have a hard time keeping my car clean - this is because I have an Only Child. My daughter incorporated the word "antique" in to her barbie game with her friend - it's because she's an Only Child. I like to keep a good routine with my daughter's homework - it's because I have an Only Child. My daughter loves bringing her favorite toys to school for show and tell - it's because she's an Only Child. You get the reasoned recipe.

And, I do have High School memories of a bright tall attractive Only Child who was great at athletics, and did well in studies, and was rather popular - because of her achievements. At School events where she inevitably won something, a quiet middle child like myself heard parents commenting, "...it's because she's an Only Child... yes, I see them [her parents] taking her to practice everyday...". As a teenage girl, I would look up at this Only Child on stage and admire her, but at the same time frown on her achievement as the product of being 'just' an Only Child. In fact, we all seemed to look at her as if there was an underlying problem? Though, clearly there was no problem - she was happy and doing brilliantly, and her parents were very proud.

There's nothing like bouncing in a tulle skirt

In hindsight, I think we were the individuals with the problem. The Only Child's achievements only reminded us of the things we hadn't accomplished in our own lives or families. And in many school communities there will be some parents and children who suffer more than others from this affliction. For example, the loving Mother who has four children, but finds it a struggle to afford the basics, so forfeits any extra-curricular activities for any of her children. Or, the Only Child's peer who is superbly skilled, but is never really motivated to achieve. The single Mother working full-time ridiculous hours to support three children she never has the time to see. Life is full of politics and choices...

And heaven forbid being a single parent with a happy high achieving Only Child. Oh, How dare you.

And while we go through life occasionally encountering family-size discrimination, we should never be so undiplomatic as to say something like, "Gosh, you can't afford the three children you already have - and you're pregnant again?". No, that would be alluding to problems that are real.

I guess as parents of Only Children we need to alert our only offspring to the possibility that some individuals may think there is a 'problem' associated with being an Only Child. Especially if the Only Child is happy and achieving well in life ('It can't be! They must be lonely on the inside!') .

When someone makes a comment about having just 'one', take a look at the 'one' who is saying it. Their perception of you is what your reality is supposed to be; but take a look at their reality - the real 'problem' may lie therein.